I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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