If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I look better un-naked...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
