i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
