I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize