If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
