But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
