Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
