Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
