Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
