I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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