So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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