would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
