Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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