so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
