if i can run in heels then i can drive
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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