I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Someone shit on the floor
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
