She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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