you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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