dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
