I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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