Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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