I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
