we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
