it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
