I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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