I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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