Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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