you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I fill condoms, not promises.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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