to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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