I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
