im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
