Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I woke up under a house in Key West
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