ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
