I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
