I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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