Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
