So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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