It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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