Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
