Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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