I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
