His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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