Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
