i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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