I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
