Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
as a side note pls kill me
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
