Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
