i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
