She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
