There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Come on in and take your pants off
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