Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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