anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
