i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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