I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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