did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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