haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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