i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
