i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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