I can tuck mytits in my pants
Small penises have feelings too.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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