It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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