Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Houston, we have a squirter
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
