Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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