so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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