how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
