Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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