Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
