On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
