There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
