You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
