dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
