ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
