Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
