If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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