She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
