literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
its liver damage thursday
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