My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
