I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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