I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
