I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
