it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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