tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
