Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Come see our sink grown plant.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
